Let’s talk about annual checkups (and why), chronic stress and health, something to say to a friend in need, and how moving helps your mind.
These past few weeks I have heard a lot rage, upset, grief, sadness and worry. I have learned over the years that I can’t “fix” anything, but I can listen. That’s what I’ve been doing, allowing folks to express their feelings, in a safe environment, and let them open up their path to healing. I’m also working on patience and kindness. Plato is quoted as having once said “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I’m trying to be kinder, patient and more generous, because these are tough times. Someone has to bring the tissues and the chocolate. How about you? Where can you be that friend indeed? BG
Annual Checkups: An ounce of prevention
In surveys, nearly all doctors and 2/3 of patients say annual checkups are a good idea. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of scientific data to back that up. But here’s what we do know for sure:
- People who get annual physicals are more likely to change unhealthy behaviors.
- Because of the wear and tear of aging, you get more benefits out of the exam as you get older.
- High blood pressure has no symptoms. An annual exam will show you when your BP creeps into dangerous territory.
- Men over 60 get bulges in their aortas that don’t produce symptoms either. An annual abdominal exam will let you know if you have the problem.
- Women over 40 should have an annual exam for breast cancer.
Bottom line: You don’t actually need an annual checkup. But you do need the information it gives you. Identifying problems is a lot cheaper, easier, and less painful than dealing with them later on. It’s an ounce of prevention that’s worth a pound of cure.
How does chronic stress affect health?
(In response to the tragic fires and the subsequent loss of life and property)
Eight words to say to a friend Last summer, when my California family arrived in Cambridge, England, for a vacation, enormously jetlagged and utterly exhausted, I ran into an old friend in the cluster of college buildings where we’d be staying for the next month. My daughter and I were on a walk just to stay awake before dark when Shelley popped out of her apartment, huge smile on her face, to greet us with open arms. She and I hugged and briefly caught up – my family had spent half a year in the city the previous year so we’d grown close – and she then asked one simple question: What small thing would help you right now?
Not: Can I do something for you?
Not: How can I help?
Not the terribly generic and unhelpful: Let me know if you need anything. (Anything???!)
But: What small thing would help you right now?
Something about the specificity, the smallness of it, was a revelation.
Had she framed the question in another way, I certainly would have said, “We don’t need anything! We’re fine! Thanks so much for asking!” But given how straightforward her ask was, I felt like I could make a little request: After 18 hours of traveling and flying on a crowded plane and sitting through the long cab ride from London, my daughter was now begging for ice cream. But there was no way to get that unless we walked 20 minutes into town, which we were not going to do. So, I turned to Shelley and asked: Do you happen to have any form of ice cream in your freezer?
She stepped back into her kitchen and procured an ice cream sandwich. I cannot begin to tell you how welcome and loved and cared for this made us feel. And I know that it made Shelley happy, too. This simple question has been a game-changer for me: so often we can’t solve a friend’s big problem so we shy away from trying. How could I alleviate a friend’s heartbreak over her divorce, her parent’s death, her teen struggling to fit in? I am not a therapist! Nor a magician!
But I can – we all can – offer a piece of comfort by offering something direct and actionable in the moment. Sometimes all a friend needs is a walk. A salad drop-off. For you to pick up their kids from school so she can take a nap. A phone call. A cookie delivery. A shoulder to cry on, just for now. A book delivered to her doorstep. A coffee handed over without a word.
What small thing would help right now? In a time when suffering is everywhere, I’ve found this approach to be a guiding light. Shelley surely didn’t know that all we’d ask for on that beautiful July evening was an ice cream sandwich that had been sitting idle in her freezer. But she met us exactly where we were and made our arrival that much sweeter. We walked back to our empty place feeling not only welcome but seen. There is no better gift than that.
That’s what I want more of in 2025: to find ways to show up for my friends and family in the smallest, most specific ways that please them. Because those small ways, it turns out, add up to something. In fact, they are everything.
Abigail Rasminsky is a writer and editor based in Los Angeles. She teaches creative writing at the Keck School of Medicine of USC and writes the weekly newsletter, People + Bodies. She has also written for Cup of Jo on many topics, including marriage, preteens, and only children.
Mental and physical health strategy
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/moving-your-body-is-like-a-tune-up-for-your-mind
HUMOR
THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH.
- A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
- There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
- There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen before.
- If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it’ll bite cha.
- Onced and Twiced are words.
- It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
- Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
- People actually grow, eat, and like okra.
- Fixinto is one word. It means I’m going to do something.
- There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there’s supper.
- Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
- Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
- The word jeet is actually a question meaning, ‘Did you eat?’
- You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn’t matter what time it is, you work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
- You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
- Y’all is singular. All Y’all is plural.
- All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
- You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
- You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Cajun seasoning, Tabasco, and ketchup.
- The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.
- Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name)
- You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
- You know what a hissy fit is.
- Fried catfish is the other white meat.
- We don’t need no dang Driver’s Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
- You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the South.
AND one more:
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
Top 5 states where people are moving to are S. Carolina, Texas, N. Carolina, Florida and Tennessee. California is 50th. Not funny. I just realized that this means more people are moving to North Dakota than California.